The Five-Step Path from Rupture to Repair
Estimated time25 Minutes
As much as we would like it to, love does not repair all.
Drawing on decades of clinical work with couples, this article outlines a five-step process for moving from conflict toward reconnection. The model advocates for 5 steps that spell out PACER:
PAUSE. Interrupt the reaction.
ACCOUNTABILITY. Turn towards ourselves instead of the other.
COLLABORATION. Face the patterns together.
EXPERIMENT. Try something new when old patterns don’t work.
RESET. Return with a new story.
Read the article on psychologytoday.com
As you read, reflect on these questions:
How was repair modeled in the relationships you grew up around?
What part of the repair process comes most naturally to you? What part is most difficult?
How do you respond when someone brings a hurt or grievance to your attention?
What helps you feel safe enough to reconnect after a rupture?
What relationships in your life might benefit from a more intentional practice of repair?
The article ends with a reassuring reminder: “Rupture is inevitable. Repair is learnable. Every time you repair, your relationship grows stronger.”